Even potheads have good intentions.

I’ve taken a seat several times in the last few days with good intentions. Writing this blog has been first on my to-do list and yet, it hasn’t gotten done. It’s now Sunday night, 9:14pm. I’ve been awake since 4:00 this morning and have to be up at the same time again tomorrow.

Luke warm blackberry apple cider vinegar tea is in my mug. Luke warm tea is usually the hottest I get to drink my tea at night. It starts off hot, but usually I’m called to mommy duty and my hot tea sits there, cooling off with good intentions in the steam.

Today I bagged up the enormous pile of clothing that has been sitting in the corner of the bedroom, waiting for new owners. It’s been sitting there since April, but you know…good intentions.

”Good intentions” has been a theme throughout my life. I can’t remember ever doing something out of maliciousness. In fact, even in my wildest days I would talk real big, but could never go through with whatever idle threat I was making.

In my podcast intro I talk mention that I am a former juvenile delinquent with just enough scrappy rebel left in me to help you get shit done. I’ve never actually done any time, as a child nor an adult, but can tell you that I should have. It would have never been for physically hurting someone else, but more along the lines of something stupid like theft or drugs.

When I was about 15 or 16 I was in a car with a few friends. We were headed to pick up another friend from work, and had just finished smoking a giant joint. The music was loud, I lit a cigarette, and cracked the window. The sound of the dog barking wasn’t going away. Man…this was some good stuff!

Then the lights came on, we were pulling over, and I proceeded to almost wet myself as I realized that was the freakin’ K9 unit behind us. We were screwed.

Long story short, the friend in the backseat took the wrap for it all, even though it wasn’t his. His reasoning was that he already had a record and didn’t want to see me start one. I walked home with a ticket for underage possession of tobacco and he went to jail for a few nights, all in the name of friendship. Good intentions, defined.

Even now as a mostly law-abiding adult, I find myself resisting urges to steal a waitress’s pen just because I like it. Even though I haven’t done it in Y E A R S, the lure of taking a road trip to one of the surrounding states for some edibles is quite attractive. And I will fully admit to having had a cracked windshield for several years. I know what you’re thinking…”lock her up!” ;-)

The topic of this blog is supposed to be all about my shady past. Which, it kind of is.

So why didn’t I want to write this blog?

Because of shame.

Because almost every dumb decision or mistake I’ve made was because I ignored my intuition. I didn’t listen to myself because I had never been taught to trust. All I knew was to find love and acceptance where I could, and that often meant doing dumb shit to fit in.

Smoking pot two cars ahead of a K9 unit.

Stealing.

Moving too fast in relationships.

Going home with the wrong person who did not have good intentions.

Spending money when I knew I didn’t have it to spend.

Ignoring signs and symptoms of issues that could have been resolved quickly.

Eating foods that make me feel shitty the next day, even if they taste so good in the moment.

Staying out for “just one more” drink the night before moving day, only to wake up at 10:30 the next morning and proceed to puke the rest of the day.

Standing at an altar making promises I knew wouldn’t be kept.

Shame researcher Brene Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” She’s 100% correct. Embarrassment is saying “Oops, I was so dumb.” Guilt is another step down the ladder, saying “I’m sorry I did a dumb thing.” Shame is the lowest rung; “I am dumb.”

I’ve done a LOT of dumb things in my life. I’ll even tell you more about them some day.

But what I know I’m not is dumb…and it took me a lifetime of being told otherwise to realize that they were all wrong.

What I want you to know - nay - NEED you to know is this:

You are NOT your past.

You are NOT your dumb decisions.

You are NOT flawed.

You are worthy of love and belonging.

You are intelligent and capable.

You are cherished and needed.

You are not your past.

Shame is what keeps us from moving forward and growing. There’s no other thing with quite as much power as shame.

My signature program, Live More, is based on the shame that we all experience and for so many different reasons. It is designed to help learn not only where it stems from - and I’m talking about seed genealogy, not just who planted it - but how to GMO the shit out of it so that you can move forward and grow and excel and live the life you deserve to live.

Unfortunately, not everyone is quite there yet.

So...this is happening.

I am offering a FREE sneak peek of the program. I can't promise it will ever happen again. A FREE 5 day intensive mindset workshop, with some of the best parts of the signature program. Walk away with impactful action steps you can start to implement immediately.

Learn how to identify and shift the fuck out of that shame-filled existence, so you can live in alignment with who you truly are.

Never again will you doubt your good intentions. You’ll come to understand them in a whole new way, understanding yourself even more than you think you ever could.

This is the shit that changes people for good, in all the ways.

Do you have 5 days and zero dollars to invest in yourself right now?

Don’t let my good intentions go to waste on your good intentions.