Stress: How Do You Deal

Ah, 2020. The year of blissful peace, quiet, and relaxation.

On another planet, perhaps.

This year has been the epitome of a stressful year. A global pandemic, our country is literally on fire, a national election, murder hornets, and the constant day to day worries of life has us all feeling a little on edge more than ever. In fact, when I ask my clients how often stress is affecting their every day life, more often than not I get “every day” as an answer.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been having more days that feel roller coaster-y than stable. Reaching for comfort food has crept back into your life, maybe even become a habit again. Regular exercise has gone to the bottom of the priority list. Just making it through the day has become the bar for success.

Listen to me. This is NORMAL. This is okay. Not one of us woke up on January 1 thinking that all these things would happen this year, therefore, not one of us had time to prepare for all of the things that have happened this year. What we do now is reflect, regroup, and move on.

Now that we have forgiven ourselves for the extra snacks and the dusty treadmill - and if you haven’t, please do so now - let’s look at some ways to help us manage our stress in healthier, more productive and beneficial ways.

Organize your thoughts

A cluttered brain does not serve anyone. If you think of your brain like a desk full of post-its, different notebooks and scratch pads, a couple of calendars, a calculator, and a grocery ad from last week, a pile of bills, and a map of the city, this feels ridiculously overwhelming. We can’t really get rid of any of these things - they’re all important and necessary. But if we have these things all spread out all over the place with no real structure, our brain cannot process all of the information they hold and we will forget something.

What has worked really well for me is two things: carrying a notebook with me at all times, and color coding ONE calendar.

The notebook is my place to jot down thoughts that I don’t want to forget, quotes I hear that resonate with me, and even practice gratitude. I do have other notebooks dedicated for other things (mostly projects), but this notebook is different because it literally is my brain on paper.

The calendar. You guys, I cannot even tell you how much this calendar has changed my life! When I found my household had grown by 4 and 3 of those people had sports, scouts, and a different school schedule, this became non-negotiable. It HAD to happen.

Each person in our house has a different color assigned. Whatever they have going on that day, goes on the calendar. The calendar is nothing fancy - its a giant whiteboard calendar that hangs in the kitchen, but it is visible to the entire family. I’ve even added our menu to the calendar so that everyone knows what we’re having for dinner. It gets updated every two weeks, so the remaining two weeks gets moved up and the next two weeks get added. The beauty of this is that because so much of life can change at the last minute, especially this year, it’s easily erased and fixed.

A Google calendar is also useful, as the color coding option is there. I do use this for my business, but I still prefer to write things down and have them visible. Whichever calendar you choose to use, it doesn’t matter. The key is to use it.

Put YOU on the calendar

Yes. This is not a request, this is imperative. If you do not put things on your calendar for you, you will burn out. I’m talking about whatever it is you aren’t doing for yourself now; 15 minutes of yoga, soaking your feet at the end of a hard day, packing a lunch for yourself, drinking water, or even organizing and updating your calendar. If you struggle with these things, THEY GO ON YOUR CALENDAR TODAY. These do not get erased; they are non-negotiable, must-dos.

By prioritizing the things that you need to do for you, you will have more energy and feel more prepared to deal with the daily stressors.

Everyone wins.

Exercise and body movement

I’ll include both here, even though by now I think we all know my preference for intentional body movement over formal exercise. ;) Regardless, not only does moving our bodies increase our heart rate in a healthy way, but it releases those feel-good endorphins like dopamine and serotonin. We can either feel less stressed, or we feel better equipped to deal with our stress.

Additionally, if we choose an activity that is a little more intense, we can take out some of our aggression on that punching bag, the air, or the weights. We might put a little more sass in our dance steps, walk a little further, or even hit the ball harder. These are definitely much healthier ways to get out frustration than slamming doors and flipping people off.

Finally, if we choose an activity that is very gentle and relaxing, that can give us time to settle into our emotions. Breathing and stretching through them can sometimes be even more helpful than the more aggressive movements. When we slow down and become more intentional about our breathing and the way our bodies are moving, our brains focus more on those things than whatever is stressing us out. This brain break can be just the thing we need to regroup and refocus.

Delegating

The people around us, who love us and are in our very tight circle, truly want us to be happy. When we are feeling overwhelmed and stressed to the max, often times we tend to bottle this up and feel like we have to handle it all so we don’t look like a failure. I hear so many moms talk about how they do all of the household planning, schedule keeping, etc. The other family members will sometimes pitch in to “help mom”, and this irks me to no end.

Um, excuse me, but WHEN did it become our responsibility to make everything work?           

We MUST learn to delegate. Since we have been “awarded” the title of CEO, let’s use it then, shall we?

Children look to us to learn how to be adults. There are some really great chore charts out there, divided by age, like this one.

Our partners also can help to take some of the mental load as well. For instance, maybe your partner actually enjoys doing the cooking most of the time. Split (or hand over completely) the meal planning and shopping duties to the person who actually uses the items!

No partner? No worries. We’re going to get real good at asking for help from others. Often our friends are closer than family, so start there. Look for the friends who perform best while doing acts of service; these are the friends who want to help in tangible ways. Can they help with carpooling the kids? Picking up dog food? Watching your kiddos so you can have an afternoon to yourself?

Your family is a unit; a team. It is not a monarchy where the Queen rules all. I mean, we do, but you know… ;) It’s time that the family acts like a team and each fulfills their role on the team. Thus, reducing your stress and giving you time to do the things you want to do for you!

Food as a tool, not a security blanket

I get it. Some days I’d love nothing more than to lie on the couch with a family size package of Double Stuf Oreos, a big glass of milk (just for dunking, not for drinking), and watch Will Ferrell movies until I pass out from the sugar coma bliss. I’d also like to wake up from that coma and not feel bloated, angry, and all the other sugar hangover symptoms, but the likelihood of that happening is less than zero.

Food is such a tricky subject for most of us; we can see the effects of too much or the kinds that don’t help us , but we also need food to survive, so what are we supposed to do? Most of us know that eating junk food all the time is just not a great idea. But the messages we get from the media and society in general are conflicting and sometimes can make us wonder what a junk food even is.

I’m going to make it real simple here. If you can eat 5+ servings of fruits and vegetables as well as get enough protein and healthy fats every day you won’t have room for junk. Avoiding sugar completely is really, really tough to do. Sugar is in everything…even fruits and vegetables. It can almost turn into another full time job just trying to avoid sugar completely. So, if we can accept nature’s sugar sources and avoid the sugar that comes from a package, that’s a pretty decent compromise, right?

Fueling our body with foods that have minimal processing decreases our stress in several ways. We have less inflammation, less gastrointestinal issues, less bloating, less extra weight on our joints and ligaments, and less guilt about what we’re eating. We also see more energy, more time to do the things we want to do, and more confidence to make other healthy decisions.

Outsourcing

In the example I used above about delegating tasks, this is one that, in my household, I refuse to delegate because I’m far more choosy about the foods we eat. If I left it up to anyone else, we’d be eating chemically laden foods dipped in sugar or drowned in ketchup. YUCK.

But this is such a common theme among my clients, my friends, and even while eavesdropping, that I couldn’t help but wonder how I could help. I realize that I’m in the minority of people who actually enjoy meal planning, writing grocery lists, and even grocery shopping. So, I did a little market research and realized that there is a real need for moms to take something off their plate, to reduce their stress, and this is something that many moms stress about.

Starting this Friday, October 23, I will be offering weekly meal plans! There are so many ways to make this work and make sense for everyone. I’m really eager for other moms to take something off their plate and free up a few hours so they can take care of themselves!

Be sure to come back and check out the plans to see which would work best for you and reducing your stress!